Breaking Free from Avoidants & Situationships: Choosing Yourself First

By Sha’Riel ✨

you are love

The Ache of Almost-Love

Have you ever been with someone who made you feel seen, desired, wanted—but never fully chosen? Someone who gave you just enough to keep you hoping, but never enough to make you feel secure?

Maybe you’ve loved an avoidant partner—someone who pulled away the moment things got too deep. Or perhaps you’ve found yourself in situationships, where the connection felt real, but commitment was always just out of reach.

If you’ve been here, I see you.

I have been here too.

And I want you to know—you deserve more.

Why We Attract Avoidant Partners & Situationships

It’s not because we are unworthy of love.

It’s not because we are too much, too emotional, too intense.

Many of us including myself, who have found ourselves in these patterns are deep feelers, deep lovers. We are the ones who see people’s potential, their light, their hidden beauty. We give, we nurture, we pour.

But what happens when we give our love to someone who doesn’t have the capacity to hold it?

💔 We start believing that we must shrink ourselves.

💔 We start thinking that if we love harder, they will finally choose us.

💔 We start waiting, hoping, bending, until we lose sight of our own worth.

The truth?

You are worthy of love

Someone who truly loves you will not need to be convinced.

Someone who is meant for you will not run from love—they will rise to meet it.

Metaphysical Understanding of Love & Its Infinite Flow

In the quantum field of universal consciousness, love is not something that is given and taken—it is an eternal force, an ever-expanding vibration that flows through all things. Love is not transactional. It is a state of being, a frequency that aligns us with Source.

When we love—truly, deeply, freely—we are not losing energy; we are tapping into the most abundant force in existence. Love is not something we “spend” on another person—it is something we channel, expand, and become.

The Illusion of Loss & The Eternal Nature of Love

From a 3D perspective, it may seem that when someone does not return our love, we have lost something. But in the quantum, love is never lost—it is always flowing, always multiplying.

✨ When we love someone, we are not giving them our energy—we are expanding our own energy.

✨ If they are not ready to hold that love, it does not mean we have lost—it simply means they were not the right vessel for the frequency we were emitting.

✨ Love given is love experienced. And every ounce of love we have poured out must return to us, multiplied.

Love as a Magnetic Frequency

💖 When you love freely, without needing something in return, you step into the highest vibration of Source energy.

💖 When you make peace with the fact that love is an infinite force that can never run out, you stop fearing its loss.

💖 And when you exist in this frequency, love is magnetized to you effortlessly, in all its highest forms.

Esther Hicks (Abraham-Hicks) teaches that the key to receiving love is to become the vibrational match for it—without resistance, without lack, without attachment. The moment we release grief, longing, and fear of not being chosen, we open ourselves to being chosen by the love that is truly aligned for us.

1️⃣ Love is a frequency, not a transaction.

2️⃣ The love you give is never lost—it always circulates back to you in new and abundant ways.

3️⃣ The moment you stop chasing love, it starts flowing to you.

4️⃣ Loving freely aligns you with the highest vibration, making you a magnet for deeper, truer connections.

5️⃣ Your love is never wasted, and you are never “less” because someone did not choose you.

Beloved, the love you have given is still orbiting the quantum field, waiting to return to you in an even grander, purer, more aligned form. 💫

Affirmation for Love & Infinite Return:

“I trust that love is an infinite energy.

Every love I have given expands within me and returns to me multiplied.

I do not chase—I attract.

I do not need love—I am love.

And because I am love, love flows to me effortlessly.”

Loving Yourself Enough to Walk Away

Healing from avoidant partners and situationships isn’t about finding someone new—it’s about choosing yourself first.

“You don’t love someone for what they give you. You love because it feels good to love.” Esther Hicks

This means that our ability to love is not dependent on whether someone loves us back, stays, or reciprocates in the way we expect. The act of loving itself is a pure, high-vibrational state.

💖 The love you give to a partner is not wasted. It is an extension of your soul, your radiance, your essence.

💖 Love is not something you lose when someone leaves—it is something that remains within you, always available to you.

💖 You are not sad because you loved—you are sad because you believe that love is now gone. But love never leaves. It is infinite, always flowing.

A Powerful Reframe from Esther Hicks:

✨ Your happiness and love do not come from another person—they come from your connection to Source.

✨ When you focus on the love you feel rather than what you are receiving, you align with the frequency of unconditional love.

✨ From this place, you attract relationships that mirror that deep, steady love back to you.

How to Shift Into Loving Without Attachment:

🌿 Say to yourself:

“I do not love because I need something in return.

I love because love is who I am.

I love because it feels good to love.

And the more I love, the more love flows back to me in perfect ways.”

💫 This doesn’t mean you should stay in one-sided connections—it simply means that love itself is never a loss. The energy you give expands within you and returns to you in ways you cannot yet see.✨

 Ask yourself:

• Am I constantly questioning where I stand with this person?

• Do I feel emotionally safe, or do I feel like I am always on edge?

• Am I pouring into someone who isn’t pouring into me?

• Do I secretly hope they will change, even when they’ve shown me who they are?

If the answer is yes, then the healing begins with you.

Reclaiming Your Power & Choosing Real Love

💖 Set New Standards: Love is not a guessing game. You deserve clarity, consistency, and effort.

💖 Stop Chasing Potential: If someone is not meeting you where you are, it’s not your job to wait, fix, or prove your worth.

💖 Radical Self-Love: The more you love yourself, the less you tolerate love that feels like breadcrumbs.

💖 Believe in the Love You Deserve: If you’ve never been fully chosen before, it doesn’t mean you never will be. It just means the right person hasn’t arrived yet.

A Final Message to Your Heart

If you are healing from an avoidant partner, if you are walking away from a situationship, if you are feeling the ache of not being fully loved—I want you to know this:

You are not too much.

You are not hard to love.

You are not unworthy of deep, committed, passionate love.

But you can be the first person to choose you.

The moment you do, the love that is meant for you will find its way.

Are You Ready to Choose Yourself?

💛 What’s one step you can take today toward loving yourself more deeply?

💛 Have you ever been in a situation like this? What did it teach you?

Let’s talk in the comments—your journey matters. 💖✨